How much do you love your phone?

If you were just getting up from taking a nice, steaming shit, and before you flushed, you dropped your precious cellular telephone in the toilet, would you go in after it? Perhaps if you had only taken a piss? What if it were just one, solid log you had to work around? What if it were a soupy mess of blown mud? Would your precious iPhone, containing all of your contacts, your music, your delightful apps, be worth a forearm of shit?

These are the things I think about as I multi-task in the water closet, just before I carefully place my phone on the vanity counter, out of harm’s way, and wipe my ass.