Curling

Curling? Seriously? What the fuck is up with this shit? Since when did shuffleboard on ice qualify as an Olympic sport? Why isn’t regular shuffleboard in the summer games? Better yet, why isn’t bowling in the Olympics? Or bocce ball? Or fucking quarters, for that matter?
You know what needs to happen to make this curling shit somewhat legit? These fuckers need to have a beer and a smoke at all times during competition, and they should be doing a shot after each frame, or whatever the fuck they’re called. I’d watch that shit. And why the hell are there separate teams for men and women? Can they not possibly compete together? Is the musculature of the male specimen better suited for the rigorous athletic task of sliding a rock from one end of a hockey rink to the other? I would think that the women would be better sweepers. Come to think of it, they should be topless. I’d watch that, too. That’s what needs to happen – the men need to be drinking and smoking while they’re running down the ice, in loafers, mind you, trying to beat the rock to the other end and do a shot without busting their asses, while the women are sweeping up all the beer and cigarette ashes that they spill on the ice, topless, and if the men look at any of the other team’s tits, they get whacked on the head with the broom. There. That’s a sport I’d watch. I’d even cheer. I might even try to get on a local team. But until those critical changes are made, get that shit out of my fucking Olympic viewing experience.

Curling.  What a fuckin’ joke.